Funny Names to Call a Carpenter
"IF a bricklayer lays bricks, why can't a plumber lay plums?"
This is one of my dad's favourite jokes — seriously, it makes him howl.
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I grew up in a house where jokes like this were told to me on a daily basis, which probably explains a lot. Thanks Dad, it's all your fault.
Anyway, I was reminded of it the other day when we were discussing nicknames on building sites. Some trades have a nickname . . . an electrician is called a sparks and a joiner is often called a chippy (but some carpenters find that offensive, I'm told).
The list goes on and on, but what nickname does a plumber have? After extensive research — which was asking on the radio and looking at the texts and tweets — it turns out they don't actually have one.
One of the better suggestions as plumb-bum, in honour of the builder's bottom — but blokes of all trades are guilty of that one.
Others were leakies, damp lads, waterboys, flooders, drips, floaters, and drainers. Nothing too catchy in that lot.
Apparently, in Australia, some are called dunny divers, dunny being a toilet . . . nice.
All of these were just suggestions. Then we noticed some of the nastier suggestions, like wafflers, failed mechanics and pipe flutes, were coming in from a plumber's biggest nemesis . . . electricians.
It turns out that there is a huge rivalry between the two trades.
On a building site it's worse than West Side Story. You're either in one gang or the other and "when your a plumb, you're a plumb all the way".
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Forget about Cain vs Abel, Batman vs Superman, Rangers vs Celtic or even Dublin vs well, all the other counties . . . electricians vs plumbers is a serious divide.
They can't stand each other. Each one thinking they are more useful than the other.
During this conversation, somebody put forward the question of who is more important.
To say that this opened a can of worms is an understatement.
Electricians think they are the chosen ones because they are responsible for light, heat and somewhere to charge your phone, whereas plumbers consider themselves the bees knees when it comes to water, toilets, washing machines and gas.
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Plumbers know they get paid more so that's another gripe of the electrician. Why can't they all just get along?
One thing I'm sure they can agree on is that neither of them belong to the most derided position in the building world — the office worker.
These poor unfortunate people are also known as shiny bums, desk riders or pen pushers.
Summer dip with sting in the tail
IMAGINE saving up all year for a nice early holiday in Benidorm.
You get there and it's lovely and hot. You get into the togs and flip-flops and lash down to the sea for a first dip . . . And — boom! — "no swimming until further notice".
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That's what's happening now on the beaches of Altea near Benidorm. It's a long way to go to sit on the beach.
The reason is the appearance of Portuguese men o' war, a particularity beautiful but deadly jelly fish.
It's worth knowing what these nasty stinging fellas look like as they can pack a painful punch and are a regular to Irish shores over the past few years.
The reason these jellyfish are making it up to Ireland lately is the increased water temperatures (probably down to us humans) and over-fishing which is killing off their natural predators (definitely humans, well done humans!).
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You really don't want your kids poking these guys, it won't be a good outcome. If you do spot them, report it to the local authorities and they will bury them.
Watch out for dead ones too as the venom stays in them for a few days after that.
Scarlett for ya
Scarlett Johansson has revealed this week that she had an embarrassing encounter that lived up to her name. She was Scarlett when in an airplane loo and thought the door was locked.
"I guess I didn't lock the door, I mean this happens, I went round to grab the toilet paper and a guy opens the door!"
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Poor Scarlett was in an awkward position and the guy saw everything. Instead of looking away the guy just stared - until she screamed.
The only thing similar that happened to me was when I was about 8 or 9.
I had dressed up as Captain America for some reason but didn't have the real outfit. Instead I had a coat with a hood tucked under a balaclava with some ears cellotaped onto the sides.
Imagine opening a door and seeing a small boy dressed as that? Sitting there, making superhero noises and suddenly I've made a stranger fall about the place laughing? I bet poor Scarlett would have loved my balaclava when it happened to her!
Klopp is top
I LOVE Jurgen Klopp. He's awesome and I want him to be my friend. Can somebody organise that please?
I've always admired him as a manager and his previous successes speak for themselves.
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He's doing a fine job at Liverpool and they have Roma on the ropes after a 5-2 opening leg in the Champions League semi-final on Tuesday.
But it's his positivity and nurturing of players that most impresses me.
He gets the best out of his team and gives them the confidence to play at their optimum level.
MOST READ IN OPINION
My future pal Jurgen gave a great interview this week for Channel 4 News that touched on his philosophy about Brexit, which I thought was spot on.
He said: "Brexit is not the solution. The EU is not perfect, never was perfect, ever will be — but it's the best idea we've had so far.
"Historically it has been proven, as long as many powerful countries are together, everything is fine. In the moment when we split and one goes that way and one another way . . . then we have problems."
Very true.
Source: https://www.thesun.ie/news/2497857/list-of-nicknames-for-trades-goes-on-and-on-but-what-nickname-does-a-plumber-have/
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